2008

Wow, I can't really believe that tomorrow is the last day of 2008, it's insane. Where has this year gone? A lot has happened. My best friend got married, and had a baby, and I am incredibly happy for her, but what's next for me? It seems like almost every other person I know is getting married and having babies, and when am I supposed to start? When is it going to be my time? I am not to incredibly worried about it, but I guess I am just more worried about when is it giong to happen. I am content not being in a relationship and I am incredibly happy that I don't have a child right now. I love childern but I am no where near ready for it right now. My plan is to just go with the flow, wait until someone comes into my life and continue going with the flow until then.

I'm not exactly sure I want from life yet. I just graduated from SPC and now I need a plan and I think that plan is to go to the University of Tampa. I was on their website looking at their programs/degress/whatever and they have ones in Film and Communications/Adveristing, both that I am incredibly interested in. I am leaning towards advertising a lot more lately, it just kind of feels right. While my true passion is TV/Film, I fill like advertising would be a great choice for me. I get to work with people, and be creative, two things that I really need in a job.

I finished my last semester with straight A's, something that I have never done before and I was so happy that it happened! I feel really good about myself. I'm proud of myself. I feel myself changing, getting ready for the future, becoming an adult. I'm ready for what happens. I want alot out of life and I am going to get it.

life is funny sometimes

I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow. Having the past eight days off from work and school has been very nice. I don't hate the people I work with and I don't hate my job that much I just don't want to work, I am a lazy bitch. I just want to sit in bed all day and watch Gilmore Girls and other TV shows and movies. I probably would be doing a lot better in school if I didn't have to work. I like a boy and I wish I didn't because liking a boy makes my life confusing. I really need to start figuring out what I want to do with school too becasue I honestly don't know what I am doing. I want to date Chris. I wish I could date Chris but I can't because he is not relationship material. I don't think he likes me in that way. Heather and Ty thought he did at one point and maybe he did but I don't think he did or does. I want to move out. I want to have enough money to move out. I want to make more money. I want school to be over. I want to be ahead in school. I want to be able to go to school and not have to work and be able to go to school and see my friends and have a life. I really wish that I was different sometimes and more easy going and care free and more smart and attractive and that guys like me, more specifcally that Chris liked me, why the fuck do I like Chris? I can't even think of a good reason as to why I like him other then he is cute. He smokes cigarettes, I hate people that smoke. Ugh. I hate my brain and my mind and my heart and the thoughts that I think and that some of my friends annoy me, like Sofia. So help me god, if Sofia goes anywhere near Chris or tries to talk to him in any way I don't know what I will do. She can keep her hands off of him, she has gotten enough in her life, she got a kid. lkjadsflaslfkjfjlaskdfjklasjdfkljadfklj
I don't know what that was I was just angry and annoyed that my life is annoying me a lot and I just can't stand it. I feel depressed and alone and I hate it.

crush

I really wish I didn't have a crush on you. You aren't relationship material. You have no job. You are a little unmotivated. But you are cute. You are funny. You are interesting. I like you. I don't know why. I am attracted to you. I don't know why. It is crazy having this feeling of a crush and liking someone. I totally forgot what it is like. The other night when we just talked was nice. Two weeks ago when we kissed was even better as was the rest. I had fun. I liked when you held me and pulled me close. No one has ever done that before. I really wish that you weren't cute. I wish I could get the thought of you out of my mind. I like your smile. I don't like when you smoke, but I think I can get past that. I really wish you were the relationship type. I really think that you like me, but you are just afraid, I am not normally your type. Or maybe I just want to imagine that. Our kness brush and I smile. I really hope that you kind of feel some kind of feeling for me, and if you don't I hope that I can find someone to replace my feelings for you.