Another day, and nothing really new going on in my life. I got out of creative writing early and came back to Clearwater Campus to get book numbers for next semester and I had some extra time to kill so I came to the library. I am sitting here listening to my iPod (right now it is on Sidways by Citizen Cope, great song) and relaxing. I have to go to Winn Dixie in a little bit to see if the new schedule is up because I was supposed to have Friday and Saturday off so hopefully I get those off because I have been working my ass off this past week and I really would like an extra day off.
I can't believe that there are only two weeks left of normal classes then exams for this semester! It has gone so fast. I can't believe that November is almost over. Where has the year gone? So much has changed in the past year it is incredible, I can't believe. I am friends again with people I haven't seen in a long time and I'm not as close with others. I miss some relationships that I had with some people and others really aren't that big of a loss.
I have been thinking about life way to much lately and it is driving me insane. I always tell myself that I need to take life one day at a time and not to worry so much but it is just to hard sometimes. I let my mind wander, and I think about stuff and I start to worry and freak out and get all upset and crazy. I was talking to Corey a week or two ago about life and stuff and how I really want to get into acting and how when people tell me that I would be a great actress it kind of upsets me because it is what I want do to and it is kind of a hard goal to reach. He then said "Not to make you upset or anything, but you would make a great actress." I know I would, I get it all the time, people tell me I am funny all the time. I could do it. I just need to figure out how. In creative writing a lot of my stuff has been getting pretty good responses and people seem to like most of what I write. I have so many ideas in my head that I really need to put out on to paper and make something of it. I know these ideas could be something big, I just don't do anything about it when I should. I keep telling myself that I will start writing them down but I never do and I am not sure when I will.
I have also been worrying a lot about relationships lately. I want to be in one but I am almost postive that I couldn't handle it. School is my number one priority right now and if I were have to have a boyfriend I don't think that I could handle it. I want to have the affection and everything that comes with a relationship but it honestly would have to be with someone who is just as busy as I am and would be okay with not seeing each other as often as we want too. I just want someone I can hang out with, watch some television or a movie, relax and have someone to be able to talk to, but have that feeling of affection and want that you can only get from a relationship. I am almost 21 and have to romatic interest in anyone really. I swear that I am going to die a virgin. There has to be osmething wrong with me. I have my pretty days, I am not horrible looking, but I am not drop dead gorgeous, I could lose a few pounds. I am not brillant but I am pretty smart, I am funny, caring, kind, spunky, daring, and intersting. I have a pretty good personality in my opinion. What the fuck is worng with me? I really should stop worrying about this and worry about what is really important and that is getting through the rest of this semester with good grades.
I really am going to try and look at the good things about life and try and not to worry so much about things that I can not control at the moment. When something is supposed to happen it will happen when it is suppose to. I am going try and not rush anything. Love will find me one day. I will have the job that I want to have. I will be in a place where I want to be.
Sometimes I think that I may have feelings for Corey. I don't really know. When he confessed to me earlier this year that he did I let him down. I did not want to be in a realtionship with someone I work with, and someone who was still in high school. We still work together and he is still in high school but it is different. He works on stock now and I am on the front, different parts of the store. He is still considered a high school student, but he takes all his classes at the college campus. He is pretty much mature for his age, and I can talk to him about almost anything. We have stuff in common. But I don't know if we would work as a relationship. Before when we stopped talking, he had a lot of emotional problems he really need to fix. Sometimes, I thought that he was more emotional then I was. There were things that I could not help him with and that I could not understand. I am not sure that I could handle that. There are a few others flaws but I really can't think about them right now.
To make things better, Jon is in Florida. I don't know where he is, but I know he is here. I really would like to have some sort of surprise encounter, but it probably won't happen. I just wish I could never think about him again. I haven't seen him or talked to him in two and half years and I think I said something to him on myspace a few months ago. Why can't I get over this?
I am lame.
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